Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
