I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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