yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
