Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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