If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
