i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
