So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
