you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
