apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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