I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
