Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
