life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
