i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
