I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
