Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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