i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
