so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
