my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
please don't ironically join a cult
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