I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
