i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
