Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Acid is not a monday night drug
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
