I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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