Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have fence marks all over my body
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
