Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
