We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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