Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
