Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
