I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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