he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
