my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
