im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
