So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
