So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
