Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
