You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
