HIV tests are more positive than that guy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
