this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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