Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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