brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
