I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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