Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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