Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
