I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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