A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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