I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
