we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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