but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
