I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
