so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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