With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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