what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
